lately.

life has been a whirlwind lately. not so much that I feel like I can't stand against the wind, but it's definitely blurring my vision a little bit (and my brain). my whole life we've had to deal with an.. "issue" and we've gotten really good at it, it's become part of our life, and it's come to a point where it isn't really that hard to deal with anymore (at least not as hard as when it was brand new). recently this "issue" grew about fifteen times it's size in a short amount of time and it's sort of taken us aback, (for some reason) me especially. I have to teach myself all over again how to deal with it, how to bring it down to a level where it doesn't seem so huge anymore. a new normal. it's gonna take awhile for that to happen, but I know I can do it. one day I'll talk about this issue, it may not be soon, but one day. I hope to actually write a book about it all (we'll see if that ever happens). I started this blog to share pictures and (short) stories, or a random recipe here and there.. I never really thought I would ever have the urge to get deeper and talk about such personal parts of my life. sharing things about your life can be a scary thing, along with it comes judging, opinions, rude comments.. the list goes on, so it makes you hesitant to willingly discuss your life on the internet. however, it can also be good to share, it's an outlet to express yourself and your life, you can make friends and find people who may be dealing with a situation similar to yours. just as long as you remain cautious it can grow to become such an incredible thing. I'm exciting to start sharing more on here, and watch this space of mine (hopefully) grow.

every light in the house is off.

the other day the power was out all day long. it was actually pretty fun, my neighbor, Jolie came over and her, my brother, and I played the game life. then we walked over to her house and made some oreo balls. it's a real simple recipe ..and bonus? no electricity needed!

zack got married became a cop and had twin boys and a little girl. i got married became a teacher and had three boys. jolie got married became a entertainer and had a boy/girl set of twins.

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oreo balls 

what you'll need: 

thirty-six oreo cookies (we used double stuffed)

one, eight ounce package of cream cheese

first separate the filling from the crackers.

finely crush the cookie part of the oreo, and mix the frosting along with the cream cheese into a second bowl.

then mix it all together, form small size balls and place them on a cookie sheet or a plate. stick them in the fridge for a half hour. 

then, enjoy! 

(by the way, the power was still out, but my neighbors have a light in their kitchen that works when there's no electricity, which made it nicer to take a couple photos) 

planned.

all my life I've been a planner, but at the same time I'm the most indecisive person on the planet. how can someone plan their lives and be unsure of what they want? beats me. but regardless, I've been a planner. I realized recently that no matter how much you plan or have an idea of how things are gonna turn out, God has a funny way of letting you know he has a different plan for your life. as much as I wish the "different plan" came with step by step instructions, it doesn't, but (at least for me) it comes along with some reassurance that this is the path you need to be on.. even if you feel even more confused as before. am I making sense? probably not. anyway, a lot of changes have happened in my life in the last week, changes I didn't think were ever going to happen. as much as I don't like change, instead of consuming all my time wondering why, I'm choosing to sit back and see where this "new plan" is going to take me. happy to have you along for the ride. 

twenty things I've learned in twenty years.

when I say "learned", it doesn't mean I'm still not learning these (and new things) everyday and struggling to remember to live by what I've learned. 

01. your mom is always, always right. (and your dad can be too ;)

02. stand up for yourself always. never let anyone control who you are. & you're in charge of your own happiness. choose to be happy.

03. hard work is always rewarding. 

04. spending your time doing things that make you happy is the best thing you can do for yourself.

05. staying positive is always best. rid yourself of all negativity. 

06. sometimes you just need pancakes for dinner. or any breakfast food. (best advice I ever got)

07. if you want to do it, do it. (and don't wait)

08. life is just better on vacation. 

09. make sure to always carry extra deodorant in your car. 

10. there's nothing wrong with liking the music (and everything else) you like. 

11. being barefoot makes you feel free. and just over all better.

12. it's not bad waking up early. ever.

13. save, save, save your money. 

14. it's okay to have alone time. 

15. never hide from anything. 

16. hand made things are the best things. 

17. time is a precious. don't ever waste it.

18. don't take life too seriously. worrying is never gets you anywhere. 

19. you can never have enough white cheddar popcorn. or peppermint patties. 

20. learn how to cook. and bake. oh and always make your bed. 

(oh, & I do know that I'm 21, I just haven't been for a full year yet.) 

home.

"mama said home is where the heart is.."

some people love where they grew up, and some people hate it. I'm one of those who love it. not specifically the state, or even the town, but the street. that's where I grew up, where I learned to ride a bike, where I learned the hard work of shoveling snow, where I met my best friend, where I chased countless basketballs down the street, where sled runs were made, spy adventures took place, chalk roads were drawn for us to ride our bikes on, snow "igloos" were formed, along with late night conversations, where we played barefoot for hours until our feet turned black. memories were made on that small little cul-de-sac and they are the most precious thing in my heart. my parents bought the home we live in now, right before I was born. twenty one years they've made this house a home. up until I was about seven years old every house was occupied by an elderly couple, or no one at all. one summer a family moved in two doors away there was two kids from what I could tell, I didn't care about their ages I just wanted there to be children. before I knew it we spent most days together, the little girl was two (almost three) and the boy was five. it was playing dolls with her, and spies with him. as we got older both them, and my brothers and I always remained close. especially her and I, despite the age difference she's the closet person to me and it will always remain that way. we had sleepovers and camp fires, scary movie nights, rode our bikes into town to get ice cream, played in the wash near our house, had water fights, and snow ball fights. there was teasing and nicknames, and lots of night time hide and seek. some of those times I will never forget. now even though we are older and there's cars, jobs, school, college, and all the boring stuff we will still always be there for each other. its funny how fast time really does fly by. I think there will always be an ache in my heart when I think about not being able to go back to those fun innocent times. 

rewind a little but to about six years ago, another family moved in, two more doors over. another family that is near and dear to my heart, now their story is a long one, I'm sure one day I'll write about it. but they go way back with my family, they are family. they have four kids and those kids will be the most loved kids in this family until me and my brothers have our own one day, even then I think they will have that "first grandchildren" sort of feel to my parents. and that is perfectly okay with me. today I was watching them play in the same street I love so much. riding their scooters on a chalk road I drew for them. looking at their innocence and praying they hold onto that as long as they can. I'm so happy we were able to grow up on the same street, it's a magical place. 

behind the scenes

random rain storms. makes the earth so beautiful. 

I love eating outside. so happy the weather is allowing that now. 

flower child. 

I was stuck in traffic, but at least the clouds looked pretty.

had the whole (tiny) gym to myself. not too shabby. 

Chase picked me flowers. 

some much needed alone time. 

frozen yogurt. I've been eating too much of it lately.

the cutest toes in town. 

thoughts/feelings.

I've been feeling pretty sentimental lately. I don't know if it's because I'm getting older, or if it's because of recent events around here. my great grandpa dying, my brother being in the hospital, my best friend having a few family members pass away, and a few other personal things. I think I've always been pretty sentimental, I have a lot of keep sakes, and piles of old pictures. over the past few weeks I've been thinking about the future, the past, and the present. how fast life seems to be flying by. i don't even know how to explain my thoughts, maybe they aren't even thoughts, they're more like feelings I guess. I guess I just want to hold on to each moment, make sure everyone I love knows that I love them, take pictures and collect mementos that mean something that I can pass down to future generations. make my life matter so in the end, I'm proud and everyone around me feels loved and inspired. I feel like a lot of my posts have been pretty similar lately, but to be honest I've been working on myself, to become who I've always wanted myself to become. I think I got a little busy or a little lost along the way, my brain got fuzzy and my life started moving faster than I could really live and breathe. but I'm starting to slow down, to not let my mind get so busy, and myself get so lazy. and I'm happy for the few of you who are interested in coming along with me on my journey.

      (an old brochure that my great grandpa gave me before my first trip to Yosemite)

Sunday drives. |03

well my spring break is officially over. I didn't do anything that special. it was mostly just a lot of relaxing. yesterday me and my best friend took a drive around where we live. we took pictures and just soaked it all in. sometimes we take where we live for granted.

my inspiration.

these are my great grandparents. william and constance. bumpa and nana. their love and life is/has been the most inspiring thing in my life, and I'm so lucky to have gotten to not just know them, but to have developed a relationship with them all the way into my twenties. not many people can say that about their great grandparents, or even their grandparents. my bumpa passed away last sunday (march 9th), even though it's very sad, we all knew it was coming, so we were able to say goodbyes, see family, share stories, reminisce, laugh, cry, and listen. he left behind a beautiful wife of seventy-one years, three children, five (plus two step) grandchildren, and seven great grandchildren. 

he and my nana met when they were eleven and twelve years old. she's ninety three and he was ninety four. he fought for our country, he/they traveled the world, collected things from every place they went (and even though that made for a lot of things all around the house, they are such great treasures to leave behind).
to me they were/are who I want to be seventy years down the road. their marriage was so cute, i couldn't help bust smile every time i was around them. in the end, it was hard for him to hear my nana's soft quiet voice, but they still held hands every night.
he could still recall every moment of his life, recite poems, sing songs, it was pretty amazing. I want to be like that. he/they read books, took walks, camped, listened to music, learned all sorts of things. spent their time on things meaningful. I look at the generations now (even myself), it makes me sad to see how people value their time now a days. I don't want to waste my life, I want to live and inspire others. just like them. I'm so proud to be a part of their family. he will forever be in my heart.

he was in the Navy.

standing in the spot they met when they were just kids. 

my second birthday. 

those days.

you know those days when one thing happens after another? that was yesterday for me. so many bad, sad, heart breaking things happened. and all in one day. I think we think when bad things happen, life will stop for us and let us catch our breath. wrong. I'm running on five hours of sleep because I had to wake up for work, I forgot my breakfast on the counter and didn't realize until I was down the street, and now I'm babysitting two little boys who have lots of energy. time doesn't stop, a forgetful mind doesn't just disappear, and little kids don't alter their moods because of things that happen in my life. I don't get to be in a bad mood toward my co workers, or not show up to my nannying job because time tired. life keeps on moving like any other day. sometimes I wish I had a pause button. but everybody has days like these, some better than mine, some worse than mine. but bad, days (weeks) non the less. and everybody gets through it. today I'm just trying to focus on the positive, the sun is shining, which means one day closer to spring (and one day closer to spring break!), and one day closer to happier days.

sunday drives.

drives by myself are my favorite. the radio up and the windows down. or the radio off and my mind wandering. it's peaceful. it's my own time. I think. I figure life out (or at least I try to). I inspire myself. Sunday's are the best day for these drives, I prepare myself for the week, for Monday. I think everyone needs these times, even if it's only a fifteen minute moment. it can do wonders.